A personal understanding
- of 'evil'
When we are young, we are told things.
As we grow
up, we test what we have been told,
by our very existence and experiences.
Unfinished.....honest ! keep checking for updates..
1. A child, a village
and
the spirits of lonely places.
Small children see the world as amazing. Good hot meals,
beds to sleep in, friends to play with
and cuddles from a mum
who kept us involved with interesting things to do.
Mum had us helping with household chores;
many of which were fun. I loved feeding my
younger twin sisters with a routine of
spoonfull to you, spoonfull to me......
Keeping the coal fire burning let us watch
and play with fire. Cleaning out in the morning
let us set fire and
be rewarded with heat.
Books were scarce and treasured; especially
encyclopaedias. I had HG Wells History of the world
in two big red volumes.
Forest, canal and river were close and a favourite way
for us to spend time away from home both alone and as
groups of friends. I had a love of sitting in quiet places
near pools with trees, just being. You feel the spirit
of the place, and enjoy being with it.
These spirits were always friendly and contrasted
with the ghosts and ghouls of our stories
which
only inhabited darkness.
The spirits of lonely places were more intense
the more lonely they were.
2. Radio waves,
alchemy and the reconfigurable world.
Being poor people in a poor village encouraged me
in
being a child prodigy of junk. Exstatic retrieval of
other people's rubbish from the local dump combined
with my father and uncles bringing things they had found
or acquired made an alchemists laboratory in our home.
A litre of mercury in a big glass jar was valued
by all of my friends
as something towiggle your fingers in
and pour over your hands and let run between your fingers.
We took lead wiring and pipework from old houses
and melted it in bonfires into cast ingots. These were
re melted in tin cans and poured into moulds
for fishing weights.
One of our favourite tricks was the exploding dustbin.
You put a clay pipe, or an old wooden one,
through the dustbin wall with the bowl on the inside.
Put flour into the bowl and have a lit candle sitting
opposite it inside the bin. Put the lid on and blow
the pipe directly or through a pipe - and the lid blows off !
The classic flour mill explosion in miniature !.
We mixed all sorts of foods and chemicles and
anything that could be mixed. We hoped something amazing
would happen. After all, the world is just mixed up stuff.
We got lots of mixed up stuff, but not what we actually wanted.
My mother saved up for months to buy my father a new suite.
He left one Sunday morning to go to Paddie's Market in Glasgow,
and returned beaming with an Edistone short wave receiver radio.
Although he was a hero to me, mum didn't talk to him for weeks;
she never realised that silence only helped him setting up
the long wire antenna
and getting the receiver picking up stations
from around the world.
Action at a distance, electricity and energy transforms
were to dominate much of my life from then onwards.
3. A world after war, a church
and
a world waiting for anihilation.
There were books about the war, films about the war,
stories about the war, comics about the war,
relatives who talked about the war, and even
the people throughout history were embroiled in wars.
Sitting in darkened rooms watching the old black
and white televisions with tiny screens and almost
no contrast displayed the gore
of war in the most
graphic way possible. More cut up mutilated and
rotting dads brothers sons mums sisters daughters
friends neighbours per square metre
than the
stomach could cope with.
There was never any refuge from war, not even in church.
Much smiting was done in the name of God
or in the name of other. It was understood by all,
with no need for investigating, that wars were
a necessary part of the human condition.
My father had been a soldier
in the war.
and had received a medal for rescuing
the mayor of an Italian town as a commando. He
knew firsthand there was no glory
in the killing and suffering of war.
My father read the Christian Bible KJV. He saw
much poetry and wonderment in some of it's
content. He also saw stupidity in it and used
to
argue with the local
minister who used to
visit our house. Dad's main problem was
'how can a loving God permit evil
and dreadful suffering
? '.
No minister's words could satisfy him, so
we followed his ideas.
4. Good and bad people.
There was an inherent concept in everyone around us kids
that people were good and bad. Some people were good
most of the time, some were bad some of the time. There
were almost no real people who were all good or all bad.
Normal people were good until opportunity to be bad came along,
or until they were forced into it.
There was an extreme cultural acceptance that Robin Hood behaviour
was to be followed, not condemed; after all, we were poor
just like the people Robin Hood helped. We were like the poor
that Ghandi helped. We were like the poor that the Roman's forced
taxes from, and the poor that
Jesus helped.
There was a cultural norm to help other poor people,
or the elderly, as your mum would look after poor or
elderly relatives. The family was extended and blood
relatives a clan loyalty.
Encounters with police were scary but normal and glorified
for playing in corn fields or stealing bales of hay, or better, potatoes.
Police were
to be feared, because they could and did bad things
to people.
The police were about laws people had made up,
but they did
not really represent that which is good or bad.
Good and bad was what we learned; a cultural norm.
5. The betrayal and the abyss
at the loss of my
father.
You don't realise how much your mother, father
and meaningful
people shape your life when you are young. You just are part of
it. You are normalised to them. They are the continuity of your world.
I loved those quiet little times when I could be part of 'this'.
These were mostly when going out for a walk alone. You realise
things had an essence behind them, a living essence, a reason to be,
a thing behind the physical thing, it's information, it's blueprint,
a thing that was that the matter of the universe assembled into
it's requirement, it's design.
These, my words now, are much more eloquant than they were then
when I was a child, a boy, a teenager.
Then, I just felt it. I just was it.
Rationalisation and communication
of what I was
were not needed.
It was only as you become more
aware of your loneliness,
your isolation, that you are driven
to put out the beacons
of communication.
The world was to be played with. My mind only comprehended
that life was a process of learning, understanding, doing things
for the sake of playing.
There was one time mum took us to visit grandma
who was now dying. Mum explained how grandma was angry
because she was so sore. It seemed reasonable for old people to die,
but it wasn't nice they should die in pain.
My father reminded me frequently what to do in the event
he had a heart attack. His words frightened me and left
me disturbed many times.
Then he died.
He died when I wasn't there to do the things he told me about
in effort to save him.
I was so so angry. Betrayed. Betrayed by God.
He took my dad
when I wasn't expecting it.
I went to school the day after my dad died; after all, what can you do
but go to school with everybody watching you cry all day.
This was a serious game. The door opens in the ground....
you don't come back,
you don't come back....
6. Physics and meaing
and the limitations of logic.
A medical doctor, that was what I thought I was going to be
in my grown up life. Absurdity stooped that quick enough.
I was doing very well at school and medicine didn't seem
to be a hard subject to learn or achieve. Then they told me
that
I needed to
have at least one language other than English
to do medicine
at University. I had lots and lots of 'points'
from exams,
but languages were not in my interests.
Thus ended the
ambition of doing medicine
by a huffy Scottish boy.
So, what do you do if not medicine ? I was at a loss. Technical
subjects and science were easy and fun. So, I would be a scientist,
not because I would get a good job, but simply because
the world was a wonderful playground.
Ian Murray engrained in my head that everything you needed
to know could be derived from what could be written on a stamp.
So, the quest was to deconvolute this world into it's simple rules.
University was amazing; so many educated people, so many books,
so many things to learn.
Stumped. Time, space and action at a distance.
Bugger me !
What a problem !
It was easy to describe mechanisms and relationships
between things -
but fundamental
things in themselves -
are a big problem.
Incessant beguiling frustrating.
What are fundamental things in themselves?
The jungle of ideas and possibilities hacked again
and again by Occam's razor. The journey pointing back
to the observer. Linguistics and philosophy were all
pointing back at the observer.
Logic or not logic. Aristotle v God.
Aristotle's logic was doomed to rise above more
than a utilitarian belief system.
7. Humans aren't rational,
girlfriends are beyond logic.
Psychology was always a subject of interest, after all,
which of us hasn't enjoyed seeing ourselves and knowing
if we are mad, or psychotic or brilliant or whatever ?
We love knowing about ourselves as an ego trip
or reassurance or just simply curious.
Sometimes we study psychology because some people
don't seem to function or cope very well and we want to
fix, repair or improve them. Sometimes it's the drive
of moneymaking in getting more out of fewer people.
For me, psychology initially was curiosity about me and us.
Then, as logic, language, physics and philosophy failed to define
fundamental things, it became a necessity to see how
the observer works in a lot more detail.
8.Humans are psychological
creatures who are predictable.
Many people think we are spontaneous and free.
I can only say - bunkum.
At University, Peter and I used to carry out psychology
experiments on people on trains, in streets, in bars
and in chatting up females. All instructive and good fun.
It was self evident people have behaviour, and much behaviour
is deeply programmed - and behaviour could be reprogrammed.
Ask Alex from Clokwork Orange !
Some of my best little experiments -
1. The bus stop.
As my mum was a widow, my choice of university was simply
where could i travel to daily from mum's house ?
Getting a bus from the village to the train station revealed an
interesting phenomenon - bus drivers could park the bus with
amazing precision - to obstruct people getting on and off !
They parked so the bus stop post was in a very awkward place
for people getting off and on.
So, an experiment.
Each time I got off and on the buses, I would make a big
sincere smiling thankyou to the driver.
Within 3 months, all of the buses stopped in a much better position
to let the passengers off and on.
Lesson. So, we respond to our environment.
2. The umbrella and car.
Some mornings, I walked instead of getting the bus. The road
was not very wide, and cars would literally brush against you
as they drove past.
Experimental data.
I noticed on the times that I walked with a large golf umbrella
in my hand on the same side as the cars, they would give a
wide gap between themselves and me. Never brush against me.
Lesson. Car drivers care more about getting their cars scratched
than they care about running you over.
3. The escalator.
Travel to London by train was a common requirement during
one of my early employments. London stinks. It smells of detritus
and the people are miserable. Watch all those faces in traffic,
on the subway or just walking around. Mass morbidity.
Could I make a little improvement ?
Singing and dancing was an option, but not a good one.
So, I decided to smile at people !!
Big deliberate HIYA smile !
Now, the English have a BIG WIDE personal airspace, so
how do you do this smiling without freaking them out.
Perfect - the underground escalators and bus to road.
Experiment. Get on a down escalator. Look at the start
(far away) opposite escalator going up. Choose a person.
Give a big warm smile. If they see you, pretty reasonable
probability, they will look and look away, kind of embarrased
or scared. They will look back, and look away again. Then
they will look again and smile a little bit and look away.
Then they will look again and smile more.
You need to be a bit creative, but definitely genuine
in your intent.
Lesson. People have been programmed to be anonymous
in crowded environments. They don't want anomie, but fear
is a powerful control.
Now, see the Zimbardo presentation from his
Ted Talks or it's copy on You Tube.
Here we see people being good or evil
DEPENDING ON THE SITUATION.
9. Demonstrations of love
are much more important than theories.
Margaret was the first love of my life. She was unbelievably elegent.
Such beauty is part of the proof of God.
We met at university. She was a mathematician, which was ok.
She was not obsessed
with physics and the meaning of life.
As I was a kind of Sheldon Cooper like creature when it came
to women I must have been a nightmare for her; but the first time
I took her out was to see The Lady and The Tramp.
Worse for me, she was a christian who wasn't interested
in the illogical and what sometimes seemed obscene parts
of her religion. She did not want to argue or even discuss
any adverserial viewpoints.
SHE WAS ALREADY THE WINNER.
I realised that one morning when I was attending
her church, the Salvation Army. Only just arriving as she
was getting children out of a Salvation Army minibus,
some of these children were running to her smiling,
and with a smile from God and her arms out to receive
them she shouted "Hiya ! Jesus loves you ! "
It was an act of total love and beauty.
10. Cogniscence
rebooted.
Lying on my bunkbed the nightsleeper from Edinburgh to London.
Thinking about some of the stuff I'd watched in the cinema
before boarding this late train. 'The Life of Brian'. I thought
it was brilliant. The Montey Python team had always proded
and poked fun at life's absurdity and the goofy aloofy people
who pretentiously engulfed us all.
Why was it so hard for people to be reasonable? Why were
all people everywhere so tribal; and so brutal about it. Why
would you cut somebody's throat in the name of a loving deity ?
I talked to God about it. I talked to God lots without much
recourse to formality or dignity. He was my friend.
While chatting and laughing with God about some of the
movie jokes I let slip - " Love you "
It is beautiful - the entirety of eternity of God.
Now my words fail,
no matter how eloquent I become.
not even the Bard himself could convey-
such AWE
such BEAUTY
such LOVE
such WARMTH
such BELONGING
such SENSE
I had just become cogniscent of my place
as part of God.
and smiled for weeks.
My doctor assured me I had not had a seizure. If it was
I wanted it forever.
11. Life in the love lane .
So much of my life now was like paddling around
in the big pool of humanity handing out buckets
of smiles, encouragement, decency.
It suited things to move to where I could help more.
Inner city Manchester, work by day in high tech
and at nights working with
the Salvation Army in
their work helping
deprived inner city children
and elderly.
100% living.
Preaching was a funny thing. It's just saying what you
understand God wants you to say. You cannot understand this
until
you can watch yourself talking. Who is talking ?
It's not your conscious that talks.
Talk now - yes you - talk now .Say words out loud.
Did you hear them ?
Do you know that if you were in a CAT scanner and looking
at your brain activity,
the bit that formed your words was working
creating the ideas of those words
long before
they ever got to your mouth
and they arrived at your mouth very close
to the time your conscious became aware of them.
Those words, and all the words you will ever say,
come from your sub conscious.
So, what is your sub conscious doing with your life ?
12. Spinozan eigenvalues.
As I said at the start of this article,
this is a personal understanding.
Here lies an amazing thing,
each of us is unique
but composed of the same kinds of physical stuff- atoms,
but composed of the same kinds of psychological stuff - archetypes,
You can assemble these constituent blocks in
a large number of ways. There are also rules of assembly
that say things are not allowed.
Trivial examples for brevity -
*you cannot physically have all silicon atoms.
*you cannot psychologically have have all one archetype.
Also, both these physical and psychlogical building blocks
have structures on different levels and different timescales.
In philosophy, a clever man, Spinoza, came to the idea
of having axiomatic systems and exploring the consequences
of certain combinations of these.
So much of various schools of thought can be described
very well by the relevant selection of Spinozan axioms;
I call these Spinozan Eigenvalues.
We must remember that these Eigenvalues are only
an incredibly small fraction of what is needed to describe
the entirety of existence.
Like the tower of Babble, we are humbled by the complexity
of being master of it.
13. Living with sex abuses
and repeated abuses.
Now, we move on considerably into the experiences that
are 'I' 'me' 'us' 'you'
My second marriage was a huge education.
Being in love with someone who abuses others,
but especially your own children, is a dreadful thing.
My place was always to look after others and I was
comfortable with that. How do you cope then with looking
after a child and looking after the women who abuses him ?
It starts off gradual, and you try and make excuses. As it escalates
and persists, you work hard to remedy it, but it is cyclic.
Sometimes appearing fixed only to start all over again and again.
You have become Sysiphus always pushing the damned ball up
only for it to roll down again.
My stupidity was in trying to repeatedly fix it. She was an abuser
and it was never going to be fixed.
She used sex as a weapon. It was offered and imposed by her
as a way to manipulate rthe situation; to try and stay as
the more important person. This created deep problems
for me as a man. I didn't want to please someone who was
being abusive to our children. Holding back made her worse.
Pleasing her was resented by me.
14. Lies, more lies
and deliberate malice.
So, my wife stopped being my wife and became 'Averice Deadborn'.
She is a dreadful woman who destroyed her family and used all
of her manipulative powers to get police, social workers,
CAFCASS and a judge all to take her side and victimise the victims.
She hurt her children, let her daughter be sexually abused, encouraged
her remaining friends and the social workers to repeatedly tell the
children they were liars for saying mummy hit them.
She
destroyed all connections between the children and the people
they loved.
She put herself and the children into poverty by destroying the family
business - she did this to cover up her trail of abuses.
Her children live with her and an evil man in the house I paid for.
The children desperately want to live with me.
The psychologist said she was hypersensitive to criticism.
15. Even the judge was evil.
The secret family court used judge Barnett of Chester.
He gives the impression of being an educated man and
does all the obligatory bowing and pleasantries in his
court room.
Having been involved with this man for over two years,
then I think I am in a good position to judge him in front of God.
As a father, as a consultant physicist, as a philosopher,
as a psychologist, as a historian, as a poet, as a decent person
I can wholly conclude that this man is evil.
He sacrificed my children into the slavery of their abusers.
His judgement is a cheap cover up to protect the negligent
and abusive authorities. He himself has perjured the court
to cover up, amongst other things multiple acts of perjury.
All of this is demonstrable from the evidence.
He is a Machiavellian who has resorted to evil and criminality.
16. So, this is evil.
So, this is evil, here in front of me. A whole lot of evil.
I used to believe Evil was just the absence of good,
like cold is the absence of heat energy.
One person uses -
- 'close the door to keep the heat in'
another
- 'close the door to keep the cold out'.
Yin and Yan.
Good old dualistic good and bad.
You can freeze of the cold even when you don't believe in it.
My children are currently in the freezer....so so so sad.
17. Beyond good and evil.
18. So this is love.
19. .
20. .
21. .
22. Alice & Ben need your help.
Please help stop Alice and Ben being abused.
23. Feedback and about.
Click here for a table of evidence -
-
various documents that show the domestic violence, domestic abuse and corruption.
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